15 posts tagged “cyndee”

Oops
To be fair, Karina is walking too...
Keegan's pledge page is here:
http://main.nationalmssociety.org/site/TR?px=4640256&pg=personal&fr_id=8131
Karina's is here:
http://main.nationalmssociety.org/site/TR?px=4652035&pg=personal&fr_id=8131

Keegan is winning, by a lot.  Guess the cute kid always trumps the adult.

Today was CynDee's Birthday... I slept through it.  She'd have been 33 today.
Happy Birthday my Angel... :(

Thought I posted this... seems I didn't... but just got this in email anyway from her mom:
Hi Ramie,
I wanted to let you know what we did today to celebrate CynDee's life on what would have been her 33rd birthday. We switched her silk flowers on the grave site to spring/summer arrangement of yellow daisies, peachy open rose and a orangy peach yellow tinged lily. It looks really springy. I also released a large pink helium balloon with three ribbons, two blue and one pink in remembering her love and dedication for her children. Tyler and Anthony were on speaker phone when the balloon was released. All I could do was cry and watch the balloon until it disappeared in the blue Montana sky. She would have liked to be remembered. I am looking forward to the day we will all be reunited and there is no more pain.
I hope you are doing well.

What makes your best friend so special? 
Submitted by Jessmiloo.

Err nice timing on this question....
Read any CynDee tagged posts.

Or the short version... she was my friend version of a soul mate.  No one will ever be able to take her title of best friend ever.

My first attempt at such a video. I'm sure I'll make a better one someday, but wanted to make one for her on the anniversary of her death...  I'm sure I have some unscanned pics probably but I still haven't gone through it all...

CynDee died August 27, 2005... 2 years ago today.  It will always feel like yesterday,  it will always feel like a lifetime ago.  I know it's still hard for her mom.  I hope her kids are ok. 

These parts of One Headlight by Wallflowers always get to me, since she died from heart probs:

So long ago, I don't remember when
That's when they say I lost my only friend
Well they said she died easy of a broken heart disease
As I listened through the cemetery trees

I'm so alone, and I feel just like somebody else
Man, I ain't changed, but I know I ain't the same
But somewhere here in between the city walls of dyin' dreams
I think her death it must be killin' me

And this from I Cried For You by Katie Melua:

In many years they may forget
This love of ours or that we met
They may not know
How much you meant to me

I cried for you
And the sky cried for you
And when you went
I became a hopeless drifter
But this life was not for you
Though I learned from you
That beauty need only be a whisper

CynDee and her boys

I hope you all experience a friendship in your lives as important to you and hers was/is to me and who I am now.

The 2 year anniversary is almost here...

My MS was being a bitch tonight when I tried to use Brian's Treo.  Dialing those little keys had me ready to throw the phone, heh.  I was a bit tremor'y (shh, it's a word now, because I say so).   Good thing my phone has bigger buttons, I'd be soooo frustrated with something like that.

I've decided I hate  trying to draw hands more than noses.   At least with noses I can draw a cheesy little cartoon one.  Hands are ev0l.

Man shoots cop and does time for attempted homicide... over 40 years later cop dies, murder charges being considered.  That seems almost like double jeopardy.  I'm sure technically it's not but it seems like it to me.  Not to mention convincing a jury that his death was from that shooting when he lived for over 40 years after being shot.

I seem to be doing my not feeling well yet posting tons thing. 

CynDee would be celebrating her birthday today.  It's silly but this is the second year in a row I can't call, email, send a card or present, sooo what I do I do?  I go to her LJ and leave an I miss you / Happy Birthday wish there.  Two years in row.  Who knows if I'll keep doing it every year, as long as I'm still on LJ, I probably will.  As silly as it seems, if someone ever randomly stumbles upon her LJ, I want the comments on her last entry, the one people are most likely to see, to know that she's still loved, missed, and thought of.

CynDee and her boys

Katie Melua - I Cried For You

Katie Melua

CynDee:
I got a response to my letter to CynDee's mom.  I won't post our long emails but the lastest reply was this  "For right now, all I can say is THANK YOU. This is still so hard... "  Clearly I was right to hold off on phone calls, even email is hard.

ABC f00d:
Remember the childhood question "would you like some abc gum?".  I think of it every time I go to VONS and notice the Chinese restaurant next door...  Sorry for the poor pic quality, my hands aren't always steady and was taken with my camera phone though the car window, heh.  What an unfortunate name for a restaurant.

Abcf00d

♥ Ik hou van jullie allemaal ♥

I posted about CynDee being in my head yesterday on VOX, didn't cross post that to LJ, but will post this entry there since so many of you were there for me when she died.

Her mom emailed me.  She caught me up on how she's doing, it sounds like she's still having a hard time emotionally, and physically she's not so well either as she needs surgery.  I feel really bad for her, she's gone through so much the last few years.

She finally got to go through CynDee's stuff and wants to know if I want anything... and if so what kind of CynDee item I'd prefer (there was some clothing that mice chewed up in storage, blankets she is trying to restore, some jewelry, and "momentos", and 2 coats).  I think I'll just tell her to send me whatever she wants to.  It'd be nice to have something of hers, but it sounds like there's not much and I know one of the hardest thing for me with my dad dying so young is there was just nothing.  Almost no pictures (I have two baby pics of him, one big full pic of him, and 1 side view small pic -- my grandma liked to tell me people just weren't as picture happy back then and well he was shy too I think), other than that there's letters he wrote my mom in HS (nice handwriting for a young man heh)... and that's it.  So, I would be happy to get anything she could part with. 

She said she thinks of me often and wishes CynDee and I had been living closer to each other.  It's nice to hear since when our friendship started she didn't like me much *grin*  I was 3 years older than CynDee and certainly what caused her to be a rebellious teen ;)  I'll still never forget CynDee telling me, years later, "mom unbanned our friendship" lol.  She left me her phone #s, I think I'll stick to email for now.  I'm pretty sure she'll understand, she says it's hard to see Keera because she looks just like CynDee... I always thought her mom sounds just like CynDee.  Not sure I'm ready for that, I almost cried just reading her e-mail.  I think I'll send her the URL to CynDee's LJ too, she wasn't super active in it, but there's some good posts there that she might want to read someday.

♥ Ik hou van jullie allemaal ♥

PS - I've now replied, caught her up on me, told her a lot of how I feel, my concerns for her, etc... and sent her the links to CynDee's LiveJournal  and to my CynDee gallery  in case she's ready to see either of them.

I lied, I have something to say.  I was thinking of CynDee today, not in a particularly sad way, other than her birthday is next month.  Then for some reason the only song that jumped out at me from my Misc/unsorted folder was "One Headlight".  I like that song, but usually only really notice the chorus and the part that says "She said it's cold, it feels like Independence Day..."  Today only the beginning and end jumped out at me...

"So long ago, I don't remember when
That's when they say I lost my only friend
Well they said she died easy of a broken heart disease
As I listened through the cemetery trees "

and

" I'm so alone, and I feel just like somebody else
Man, I ain't changed, but I know I ain't the same
But somewhere here in between the city walls of dyin' dreams
I think her death it must be killin' me" 

Those parts fit too well. Well, her death isn't killing me, but it did change me and a part of me died with her.  Having her in my life was like having a twin just from different parents.  She related to me and me to her in ways I've never see other friendships work.  I can never explain it to anyone properly.  But to say she was the "friends version" of a soul mate or my twin without looking like me, is close.  I know I often feel like she's still with me... but I'll always miss her really BEING...  I think the only reason her death didn't kill me is my dad dying when I was baby prepared me.  I've spent my whole life loving someone deeply who I never saw, who died even younger than CynDee did,  yet I felt was with me anyway. 

Health:
Have been having a bit of a fever / chills / clammy feelings (even Brian said I felt clammy and sweaty, usually when I feel feverish and he feels my forehead, he says I feel fine to him).  I guess I have a cold.  I deal with my serious issues much better than I deal with a cold *pout*

V-day stuff:
Jenn sent me a LiveJournal virtual candy gift. <3

Guess CynDee was watching over me or we were wrong about Vdays in years ending in 7.  Oddly enough 7 has become my favorite  number in the last year or so.  hmm.  Whatever, the curse sees to have broken.

Of course I played the song I have to play every year.  The song that used to make me cry.  That made me choose angel names.  One of the few songs that really has meaning to me.  (Aerosmith - Angel)

Sleep:
I couldn't sleep until almost 10 am.  I woke up after 5 pm.  So much for the almost normal schedule I had going for awhile.  Clearly my body prefers daytime sleep.

Mijn Favoriet:
The email that never arrived, he did tell me "it was a cheesy valentine card", aww told him it's the thought that counts since he actually used a sad face when telling me it wouldn't let him re-send.  He finally answered the IRL mailbox question I had but left me more confused than I was before.  I will assume he didn't send anything so as not to be disappointed, but if he did I will be surprised.  He's sneaky!  Of all of the people in the world he's one of the few I would trust with everything and I think he knows he can trust me with anything.  I feel like I know him better than most, yet not at all...  Like he can do or say something out of the blue that will totally shock me while at the same time I'm not shocked at all.   It's a very weird friendship.